I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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