I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize