Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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