he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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