Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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