I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
