To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
