Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We left an ass print on the piano.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
