And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
