i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
