I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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