i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
