I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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