Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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