hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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