so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
