just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
