There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
