ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You are a genius and a whore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
