I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
