I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My balls are so social today.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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