He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
