Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sobbing to NWA
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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