C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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