my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
