I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
