textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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