you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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