im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
