Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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