I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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