i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
