If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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