Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
