all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
