I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
