I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
