just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I stole a fireplace last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
