Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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