its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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