forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
