I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
