alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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