I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
