Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
