is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
