forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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