Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
