Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
