I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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