My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
