Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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