I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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