I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
