Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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