You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
