Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
