okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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