I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
