woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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