So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
