Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How external is "for external use only"?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
