So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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