yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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