I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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