Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
