You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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