some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
