If i come over, it means nothing
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
