Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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